Seasons in Our Marriage.
I have a confession. I have blown off a LOT of plans this year & said no to a lot of things - to just hang out with my husband.
We aren't doing anything magnificent. We are more than likely watching Netflix, wearing sweats & something is simmering away on the stove.
Sometimes we head out, and look at real estate we will one day buy, and grab brunch and go to Costco and impulse purchase king crab legs and go through the carwash, but most often- we are just at home.
We lounge in our little nest (aka the den) we share a quilt on the couch and hold hands underneath it and drink way too much la croix mixed with pom juice. We take a saturday nap AND a sunday nap.
And on occasion we will say 'should we hang out with someone?' 'should we visit people?' and then we look at one another and decide not to.
I'd rather hang out with my teammate. I think this is a good sign. And this time of year, each year, I begin a little (sorta emo) season of weaning myself away from it just being us.
You see, when we 'get going' around here. I'm like a bat out of hell. Dinner is sometimes me bringing a bowl of food outside to him, flagging him off the lawn mower and we sit at the rose table and inhale eggs and hashbrowns. More often there is no dinner. We order a pizza or we eat 3 day old pasta salad my mom dropped off.
We still see a lot of one another, christ we sleep in the same bed everynight, but its different in the summer. My energy is different. I'm always always always talking about a wedding. It is so rarely just us two. There's someone visiting the farm, the team in the studio and then my family on the lake. We are a part of a larger circle in the summer.
And that's why I blew you off this winter.
It isn't because we don't love our friends, it's because we love one another and this little weird cuddle fest that runs from Jan-April is one of my favorite seasons of the year. I adore the seasons of our relationship.
And just like the real seasons, the conditions change- but the core of what you're looking at stays the same.
I adore summer. Nothing makes me all heart eye emoji more than Matt looking around the farm on a summer night during golden hour and commenting on how cool our place is. My happiest days are the ones where we work at the farm all day & design flowers, then drive to my parents for dinner on the porch and yard games or a boat ride and all the dogs are there and we drink wine.
Without a shred of doubt the hardest time of year for me is September. When Matt is pulled back into his (no exaggeration here) 72+ hr work weeks. I often can be mean and nasty for a few days during my 're-entry' into the school year I am an actual nightmare to be around. Throwing out terms like 'well I don't know why we bought this farm' and 'do you even care about this business?' (I know, you don't have to slap me, I know, its bad.) On a particularly rough Friday in the studio last September I started crying while making a euclayptus wreath, not because of the design work, because I had committed to helping Matt at the football game that night and I can't be in two places at once and my time management had failed me and I was tired.
(Editor's note: Perks to working with your real sister and then a lady who becomes your sister because Eg & Anna just KNEW what was happening and no one said anything and then they told me to leave and go to football and they handled it. Bless them)
There are seasons in any relationship, and they are beautiful. Even the stressful ones. As we gear up for the next season around here there is less cuddle under the quilt time and more go time. Less simmering pots and more buckets of flowers. Fewer Saturday naps & more Sunday swims. There is no other life I would rather be living.
The routine and seasons will ebb and flow and change as our life does. But it will always remain the two of us as a team tackling each project head on. For every time I've said "can we even do that with our tractor?" or Matt has said "wait what is your plan here with these flowers..." we have surprised one another and cheered one another on.
I married someone who understands the periodic table of elements and how to measure things so they fit squarely and evenly. He married someone who 'can't really explain it but I can see it in my mind' and can talk to a wall for 3 hours if needed.
We work together. And I welcome each new season knowing that at the end of it- there will always been winters to cuddle under a quilt.