Make new friends, but keep the old...
One thing no one really prepares you for in life is that making friends post college and in your adult working decades is tough.
Like are the only people you are destined to be friends with those you work with? Those at your spouse’s work? Those who you met when you were 19?
When we lived in Cadillac every single friend I had I met through the TV station. And we made some really amazing friends in that town. But when we moved to Petoskey, I realized that so many of my friendships had centered around my job and once I became self employed full time it was a harsh reality that many of my friendships grew in an office setting.
Enter, making friends in your 30’s.
Y’all. Its weird. Just gonna put that out there. Its super super weird. It’s like dating. You are just sorta throwing yourself out there in like minded groups of people and hoping someone is like ‘I like you let’s hang out.’
Here are my top tips for making friends as an adult. That sentence was funny to type. But here we go.
You have to leave your house. I know. Netflix on the couch wearing no bra and sipping a glass of Pinot Noir is really really nice, but the characters on OZARK are not gonna reach their hands out of the screen and ask you to be friends. Go do things. Yoga. Young Professionals Meetups. Join a club. A sports team. Put yourself out there.
Straight up ask people if they want to hang out. Last year at the tire center a nice lady said to me “I follow you on Instagram.” And we chatted for about 10 minutes about dogs and life Up North. I learned she had just moved here from Alaska. She was funny and nice and we made one another laugh and had the same sense of humor and her dog Wilson was in the tire center waiting room with us (goals). SOOOO The next day I asked the internet to help me find her. Because I wanted to be her friend. I told everyone he name was Meredith and she had moved here from Alaska. A random chick messaged me on IG and said “her name is actually Whitney and here’s her number- text her.” Whitney and I are now real life friends! I straight up texted her “Hi its Kalin from the tire center. Let me know if you want to grab a glass of wine sometime and hang out!” Weirdest story ever. Im into it.
Make time for friends. You are not going to keep any friendship that you don’t make time for. It’s simple. Make time for people you want to hang out with.
Realize that everyone comes into your life at the exact moment you need them. I could write a book about the women who I have become close with since moving to Petoskey. They know who they are. So many of them bring gifts and joy to me in a way that I can quite explain. True real friendship is such a gift. Enjoy it.
Your longest friendships will not suffer if you make new friends. For a while I always thought that I had enough friends. I had enough best friends. Newsflash: you aren’t who you were when you were 11. Those friends who have been with you the longest aren’t going anywhere - what holds you together is the shared experiences of growing and changing together. Bringing new people into your circle doesn’t change what you have with the person who you went to homecoming together one year because boys are dumb.
If you ‘have a feeling’ you would be friends with someone - don’t ignore that. If there’s an amazing human in your yoga class each week, who someone you work with is dating, who you just ran into and had a lovely chat with - initiate a hang! You’ll be amazed at how simple friendship forms when you just try a little. ;)
Women need women. I write about this all the time and never has it been more than than it is in the second you are reading this. It continues to grow in its importance, as we, take on more roles and keep kicking so much ass in the world.
Your romantic relationship is important, but your female tribe of friendships, is equally as important. Find your tribe and love on them so hard and be there for them when shit hits the fan and also allow them to be there for you when your life is crumbling.
No go make a friend. OR text one you love.