on making friends when you're adulting.
When I worked in camping, there was one week where instead of having the 15 year old girls cabin, I had the 6 & 7 year olds.
This was not my wheelhouse. They were TINY. For many of them it was their first time away from home.
I remember the first day of that session we had been together as a cabin group for about 40 minutes when one small camper turned to another small camper who had shared a sand toy with her and said "do you want to be my best friend at this camp?"
It was so easy. See person who appears nice and friendly. Share a sand toy with them. Have a brief 5 minute conversation about shape and size of castle and how your dog at home is named Toby and ate a tennis ball. Ask that person to be your best friend.
If you put 100 married adults in a room, between ages 25-45 I think one thing the majority of the group would agree on, is that making new friends, REAL friends, is tough shit, but it is SO FREAKING ESSENTIAL to have friends, couple friends, single friends, friends who are dating, divorced, you name it. Find them.
We live in an era of 'Netflix and Chill' and I mean REALLY TRULY 'netflix and chill' in this house. Honest to Goddess ( <----- that is not a typo) my ideal Saturday night consists of Matt and I cleaning our house, making a nice dinner, drinking wine and watching netflix in our pajamas. I am also a 28 year old woman. Just wait until I get into knitting. Youve been warned.
Every couple I know says the same thing. But one thing is missing from that 'ideal Saturday night' and that is time spent with other couples. Friends. YALL MAKING FRIENDS IS HARD.
I told my mom I was working on a blog post about how making friends is hard and she laughed "for you?! come on." It's true. When you are the loud, nearly 6 ft tall chatty one in a group, it seems that making friends would be. so. easy. But it's not. Making acquaintances is really really easy. But starting relationships with people who I want to talk with about MORE than just the weather, the weather, more about the weather and then some more about the weather is interesting.
The other day I randomly and very spontaneously met with two friends for lunch. This is not like me. As much as I wish I was in the 'ladies who lunch' category, I'm really just in the 'ladies who love the turkey Beach Club from Jimmy Johns, no mayo, extra sauce, with a La Croix at my desk' category.
So when I found myself in a booth with two, brilliant, smart, funny & REAL FREAKING PEOPLE I was overjoyed. These two powerhouse women are friends we've made since we came up here, and you know what happened? It was like "hi, hows it going okay- HERE IS SOME SHIT I'M DEALING WITH RIGHT NOW." Kid stuff. Life stuff. Work stuff. Owningyourownbusinessandthatscrazy stuff. When to have kids stuff. Fertility stuff. Weather. The pros and cons of glamping tents. Sexism. How often we feel like failures. How good this broccoli and chicken with thai peanut sauce is. How to be absolutely yourself and have a successful brand. How to find alone time. Creativity stuff. 20 year plan stuff. Friends who ditch you stuff. Mean people stuff. Why do we even celebrate Labor Day stuff. Vacation plans. REAL.
(oh p.s. if you are a man who reads this blog 1.- thank you. 2.- this is actually exactly how every conversation between a group of women goes. Matt calls it 'the shouting thing' when there are 5 conversations happening at once. Peace be with you.)
Do you know how long I was at lunch? 52 minutes. I only know this because my parking meter had 8 minutes on it when I walked back. So yeah. Real friends are the ones you can spend 52 minutes with, slam some broccoli stir fry and feel like you peeled back a new layer, AND solved the world's problems all while making it back with time on your meter.
Find people that matter. I ALWAYS say to Matt how time spent with him is never wasted. And so when we are spending time with friends, I don't want it to be either. I want every precious minute, day, month, year I have on this planet to be filled with real relationships and memories.
Find a tribe that gets you. I'm lucky enough to say I have. They are everywhere. I find some of the greatest comfort and joy in the fact that I have people who 'get me' who live 5 miles away, and people who 'get me' who live 900 miles away.
Oh! If you're still reading and want to know 'how to' make friends when you're adulting, its pretty simple; put yourself out there, don't waste time on stuff you know isn't meant to be, get involved, find blogs, instagrams, businesses, STORIES of people you truly think you would connect with & reach out. It's scary and insane but this is the day and age we live in friends. You won't meet anyone at the Sock Hop next Tuesday night, but you WILL find a friend who surprises you with a tshirt that says "Champagne is for champions" at a dinner party, but you 'sorta already know one another' through instagram.
But perhaps most importantly, don't try and be somebody you aren't just to be able to say you have friends. I've been here. Trust me. It's not cute. Its..... exhausting.
Let your freak flag fly. Your friends will find you.