on running Sweetwater solo.
For the past two weeks, Matt has been gone M-F. I'm totally fine at the farm alone, I'm not scared or spooked. I talk to Maple a lot & I go to Grain Train for dinner a lot.
When I knew Matt would be leaving for a few weeks I saw it as a challenge. I was excited to be all 'I am woman running this farm hear me roar, see me water, see me harvest." Plus, Matt came home the weekend in between, which was a definite treat to have the extra set of hands here again. Below is 5 things I learned while running Sweetwater Lavender Farm solo.
1.) I could not do this alone. I probably could. But I would resent it. You know how when you're a kid and your mom goes somewhere for like, a day, and your entire family cannot function? Like, shit is hitting the fan, you're wearing a sopping wet slicked back ponytail to school, your dad is feeding you 'olive loaf' bologna slices..... we survived right? My dad is awesome. We had fun. But there is something about when someone leaves, it really makes you realize how much they do. Matt busts his ass to keep this place running. I cannot tell you how many times I thought to myself "oh my god, Matt just probably does that and I have no idea." I love you babe.
2.) I will be a hysterical Mom one day. Speaking of moms. Maple had a small injury last week. On Monday morning I stormed into the vet's office and was saying things like "I need to see the BEST PERSON IN THIS OFFICE." Convinced her puppy life was coming to an end, I was out of control. The Vet walked in, poor woman, she's my age(ish) and I started SOBBING. I told her about how I'm hormonal, about how I'm overwhelmed, about how I don't want Maple to die. She put her hand on my knee and just listened. Oh Sweet sweet Dr. Paige. Regardless, Maple does NOT have Hip Dysplasia. She has a lower back sprain. She is fine. I am crazy. Just imagine when my one day kid has a one day ear infection and I think the sky is falling.... you've been warned.
3.) Not every project will happen this summer. Doing it all solo these 10 days, has shown me just how much we have to do. This doesn't make me sad. Or upset. It just makes me realize, yet again, that this is a process. A really long beautiful process.
4.) I was not cut out to be a 1950's housewife. I'm gross. I'm messy. I'm loud. I have a few things that are musts.... I cannot go to bed with the kitchen dirty. I cannot walk through the living room and leave the blankets in a pile on the couch. But I CAN leave. laundry. everywhere. I CAN let things become penicillin in our fridge. I CAN eat 2 spoonfuls of pumpkin seed butter for dinner and fall asleep with the spoon on the coffee table and my kindle on my chest. I CAN skip a day of vacuuming. A lot of times I say 'we are just so busy outside the two of us make it so messy inside.' Oh alright Kalin. Just admit it 'we are just so busy outside there is ONE OF US WHO MAKES IT MESSY INSIDE.'
5.) Being a woman is badass. This is a really crazy time to be alive, let alone a 28 year old woman. Doing it all the last two weeks was both empowering & defeating at times. But I went to bed each night feeling proud of who I am and what this place is becoming. Who run the world? Girls.